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Rushed relationship, giving time

21/08/2006Hits: 4078
Little help herereplies: 3
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   My girlfriend and I have had a rushed relationship after we graduated from college.  It was us us us all the time which was great for awhile..Soon after I started getting depression from living by myself, work and growing debt.  I would alway just complain about my problems and lost focus on her needs and feelings.  She took this for about 4 months and realized that she is missing out on starting her own life becuase she was always rapped up in my negativity.  We have spent the last 3 months talking every couple of weeks.  She knows I love her and I am sorry for putting so much stress on us and her life.  She told me she needs to focus on begining her life right now and doesnt need or want a serious relationship.  She said while these 3 months apart have been very difficult on her she has made up her mind and is happy with where she is right now.  I want her to be happy, but I cannot believe that we are suppose to be together.  I need some input on how long it might take her to want to work it out if she even will ever see what she once saw in me.  I will do what she asks and not call her anymore.  I am afraid that she will just slip away thinking that I am just as happy as she is pretending to be.  If you have gone through a previous experience please respond. Thank you.
 
 
21/08/2006DAting
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 Unfortunately...it can't make sense. To add to that there is no possible time amount given to realizing that you love someone or you dont. That is actually the beauty in it. I know it sounds weird that she wouldn't want you to be there to support her, but maybe it is because she knows that she will lose sight of her goals and have to forefit her priorities. That comes natural whether it is intended or not. Meaning, if you are there, it is much easier to go back to the life that she knows. Maybe she just needs a little time to breathe. Unfortuantely, you feel that you cant do the same without her, but you need to. I am glad that she knows your feelings, make sure you made a strong effort and let it go. That can make her feel like you are pressuring her if you talk of it repeatedly. You know? If it is meant to be, it will be. I know that sucks to hear and pretty much leaves you at the same point you were at...but that is all that can be said. There are no directions, as well as no rules, when it comes to love. In the meantime, work on yourself and maybe try showing her in your actions rather than words that you can treat her like the princess you once showed her she was. Try using your imagine with suttle reminders that you love her, WITHOUT BEING OVERPOWERING. For example, roses on her doorstep, with a card that says; "thankyou for being you". Let me know what you think. You can contact me via e-mail if you would like.
 
21/08/2006your name
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 thank you for your story.  I guess i am just wondering how much time does it usually take to realize you do love someone.  We thought we would be married and now its like she wants nothing to do with me. She already knows how i feel but im afriad she wont act on her feelings if she ever does figure it out.  She told me she wasnt ready to fix us, and now she said shes not ready for a relationship...I know she didnt want one that we could only see each other on the weekends..Also, what does she mean when she has to focus on her life and what she wants to accomplish?  Maybe its just becuase im a guy, but why cant she allow me to be there to support her?  I dont know what to do, Im afraid to move on becuase I know it will be a mistake if we dont end up back together again.  Everything with us makes sense, we just had a rough couple on months..I dont see why we should throw it all away..I appreciate your help
 
21/08/2006American Singles
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I went throught that as well, with two minor details...it was after graduating high school and the other is that; in this case I am on the opposite side of the problem. I spent two years with my ex-boyfriend and then graduation came and it made me realize that I am going to start my new life and with all the things he put me through in the past, I figured...NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME TO START NEW. Though he realized that he acted very selfish and I was in the right, we never got back together. We are now dating new people...two years later...but we both harbor very deep feelings for one another. In December, he told me he was getting engaged and that really made me think. We have remained such good friends but now that will be permanent. No going back. Well, a few months later, we went out for the night with another couple, and he expressed his emotions for me. He told me he has never loved anyone like me....and so on. I really wanted to take him back. I couldn't because I would be cheating him. I wouldn't be able to give him my all. But I think about us all the time. He is my strength, support and heart. I am just not there yet. Try to put that into perspective and apply it to the situation in your life. I don't have much advice, just an experience to share, but I betcha she is honest in what she says and it really isn't so much of what you did. It was all in the timing. I know with me, it was more the fact that I needed to focus on me...selfish as it may be. And his treatment from past experiences just contributed to it and made it easier to accept. Understand? Give her time...BUT DEFINETLY TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL, she may be feeling the same way, and if not...she will know. Games arent the best to be playing at this time. Honesty is the best policy.

GOOD LUCK and let me know how it goes. Maybe your outcome and thoughts could help me out too.

 
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